Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Fighting Strategies

I’ve never been in a fight with a human being before, but I have some pretty good ideas about how I would win one if I had to.

The first thing I would do in a fight would be to defeat my enemy with superior technology. I learned this technique from the Iraq war. For example, maybe I would start off by defeating him with radar. If I couldn’t figure out how to win a fight with radar, I would just look it up on the internet, which is an excellent example of using multiple technologies.

If my internet connection was out or something my backup plan would be to get totally Yoda on him. For example, if he was coming at me to punch me, maybe I’d look down at the ground and start thinking, or possibly concentrating. I don't know what this does exactly, but it works really well for Yoda, and probably for me.

The last idea I had is this: You know how some guys can throw their voices? Well, I’d bet anything that I can too. So, what I’d do is throw my voice right behind my enemy and I’d say something weird like, “Monkey Chow” so that the guy would figure that someone right behind him was saying “Monkey Chow” for no reason. When he turned around to figure out why something so weird was happening, that would be my chance to hammer-strike him right in the back of the head.

Warning: You shouldn’t think that you can defeat me now that you know my strategies, because I have a lot of others that I'm choosing not to reveal here.

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