Monday, January 24, 2005

Crapples The Next Wonder Twin

Here's an interesting turn of events: It turns out that I might be a superhero.

I can't confirm this yet, but it's a distinct possibility. I was reading the Wikipedia definition of a superhero the other day, and, bingo! It dawned on me that I'm on my way to meeting the criteria.

I'm as surprised as you are, honestly. Here's what's needed to qualify:

1 - An origin story. I have one! Mine is that I was looking through Wikipedia one day when I realized that I might be a superhero.

See how it's all coming together? It's like a freakin' jigsaw puzzle.

2 - Either independantly wealthy or has a job that allows for a great deal of independance. Well, I write really stupid stuff in a blog almost every day for free even though 90% of the people who read it are complete strangers, right? I think it's obvious that I have some time on my hands.

3 - An arch-enemy. I have that too. (Read in deep, deliberate voice, and imagine Crapples narrowing his eyes in a sinister fashion.)

4 - A flamboyant costume. This one is a loose match at best, unless you think Members Only jackets and leather driving gloves are flamboyant.

5 - A secret identity. Well, everyone in the midwest regional dance clubs calls me "Dazzle Squared". I'm no expert on this stuff, but I think that might count.

6 - Special Powers, abilities, or equipement. I admit that this one is probably a partial match. I mean, sure, I can type, like, 60 words per minute and I have a sweet speedometer on my bike, but I don't know if those things really count as "Special" or not.

So, I'm not saying it's a sure thing. But, I was surprised to see how close I am. I'll keep you posted.

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