Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Pale Blue Dot

I was reminded yesterday of a few summers ago when I got really in to Carl Sagan. I read every book he ever wrote, fiction and non-fiction, in the course a few months. He was an amazing guy.

As I spent the summer contemplating the infinite expanses of the universe, the billions of stars in each of billions of galaxies, and the mysterious matter and activities of the cosmos, I couldn’t help but ask myself the big questions. Like, are aliens purple or are they green? Do they eat human brains, human flesh, or both? Do they have giant upside-down triangles on their shirts, or do they favor more minimalist one-piece silver jumpsuits?

Mankind may never know the answers to these riddles.

Sagan didn’t believe that aliens had ever visited the earth, but I disagree. The way I see it, there is some evidence that aliens exist and have visited us, and there is no evidence that they haven’t. Let me explain. On the pro-alien side we have:

  1. Countless eye-witness accounts from toothless Appalachian hill people,
  2. The fact that movie special-effects are so freakin’ realistic nowadays that it’s literally impossible for them to be fake, and
  3. The fact that two of our Apollo 11 astronauts were strangled to death by “moon monsters” soon after they returned to earth in 1969 (source: toothless Appalachian hillbilly and personal friend).

If I remember logic 101 correctly, it’s impossible to prove that something doesn’t exist; therefore, according to our time-honored, evidence based, system of jurisprudence I’m compelled to believe that aliens exist, live among us, and eat, in the best case scenarios, only human flesh.

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