I Could Have Been A Contender

The problem with High School P.E., as I saw it, was that all of the educational activities were physical in nature.

Well, thanks to the presumably uncoordinated fat guys at SmartStudio, it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Let me introduce you to Brainball. Brainball takes both of my favorite things (1: Sweet technology, 2: Sitting around doing nothing) and combines them into the ultimate sport of the future.

The object of Brainball is to defeat your opponent by using your brain to relax more quickly than he does. The more relaxed you become, the closer the ball gets to your opponent’s goal until finally, SCORE! You win! You can take that to the bank, you stressed out LOSER!

Oh man! Why couldn't they have had Brainball back when I was in school? I could have been the biggest jock on the whole campus! I can see it now: Cheerleaders on each of my soft, pasty she-arms; varsity letters all over my bath robe (the official Brainball uniform); stressed, atheletic nerds carrying my books for me; drool dripping from the side of my ultra-relaxed mouth as I accept my full-ride Brainball scholarship to UCLA. I so could have taken my school to the Brainball Nationals.

I swear, if I cared about anything at all, this development might really upset me.